If you are like most people, you have been stymied by conflict in groups before. Perhaps it was groups you have led or certainly you may have experienced it in one you participated in. We see it in families and as a global community we are seeing conflict and stalled progress around the world. Disagreement and stalled progress is a common phase we must work through when considering potential change; but how we choose to respond can impact the group’s dynamic and solidify enviable outcomes in record time. Stick with me while I enumerate what is required to facilitate progress and peace in place of roadblocks.
To understand the cure, we need to be cognizant that there is a disease. This is always the first step toward healing, because there is often denial that anything is wrong. It is a common instinctual response because we want to hang on to our existing reality, or prove that our idea is right; and we subconsciously seek out any evidence or viewpoints that support its continuance and argue for those beliefs and narratives. We can see this behavior in the “discussions” being held about the climate crisis as well as some of the political shenanigans throughout the world.
At its root, the cause of all of the challenges that our world hosts is greed. Greed is a product of self centeredness which in turn stems from a lack of self love. This may seem counterintuitive but the people who exhibit what we call a big ego, actually suffer from a significant lack of self love. They are trying to convince themselves, in addition to everyone else, that they are worthy.
Greed is also perpetuated by our culture that glorifies competition over collaboration. It leads to a self-centered accumulation of resources to prove a “win” over everyone else. And we have been taught to value winning, which leads to the accumulation of more things to compete.
You may be wondering what this has to do with the current chaos in the world. It is all created by greed and a juxtaposition for the accumulation of more resources. Industries and governments that want more money continue to pollute the planet with no thought about the repercussions. Wars and conflicts abound that were created in pursuit of power and resources.
To end this destruction of epidemic proportions, we must end the greed.
And the antivirus for this epidemic is compassion. Compassion stems from empathy which is our ability to understand someone else. Note that I did not say our ability to think like or agree with someone else. This is not required in order to understand them, and compassion is a skill, not a gift or an inherent trait. It’s something that everyone can develop but like most skill development, it requires intentionality and practice before becoming unconsciously competent at it.
This must be done one person at a time. Each of us as leaders must start with self-reflection and ramp up our own skill in this department. When you lead from a place of compassion, you impact everyone who interacts with you; and your example compels others to behave in the same manner.
I call this egoless leadership because it involves putting the good of all ahead of “being right” or self-serving. Before we can mend divides and create progress toward a better, healthier and more peace filled world, we have to build understanding of all of the other viewpoints and perspectives. No matter what the issue, everyone will have their own perspective; and even though you consider it to be “right” when you lay aside ego, you can find at least one if not several additional perspectives that aren’t necessarily “wrong”.
Most of the issues that create conflict are complex and an all or nothing clear solution does not exist. In fact, there is usually a lot of gray that we are tempted to overlook because we think we know the answers.
But when you understand the other person and take time to learn the environments and paradigms that may have contributed to their perspectives, it’s easier to listen to their points of view. Being open to new perspectives and diverse opinions, opens everyone to new ways of looking at complex situations. Every situation is different, but 90% of the time the best solution is a compilation of the ideas originally presented.